Me, hollering through the back door: “I bought you a toy!”

Tweak, muttering from somewhere in the house: “Why?”

Me: “Because I’m an American. It was only four dollars.”

I put away the groceries and set out, excited about my gift, to locate Tweak. I find her wrestling with a plastic bag, surfing down the hall, and kicking at it like maybe it was full of monkeys. Or cocaine.

Me: “See?” I ask, holding up a green and yellow frog. “Isn’t it colorful?”

Tweak: “How would I know?”

Me: “Also, it crackles.” I wiggle the legs back and forth to demonstrate.

Tweak: “Like this bag, you mean?”  Tweak rattles her legs against the plastic in mockery.

Me: “Just let me take it off the cardboard. You’re going to love it.”

I remove four robust twisty ties that are strong enough to have held an actual frog in place. During a crucifixion. I accidentally drop one and it skitters across the hardwood floor like it’s escaping a predator. Tweak leaps up and murders it.

Me: “Look at this cute frog!”

I toss the frog on the floor. It crackles and plays dead. Tweak is still punishing the twisty tie for crimes against amphibians by molesting it into the shape of a 3-chambered heart. She rolls onto her back and holds the tie up with her hands to declare victory and inadvertently rolls on top of the frog. It crackles. She jumps back.

Tweak: “Where did you buy this?” She pokes the frog with one toe.

Me: “Meijer.”

Tweak: “Do they sell milk?”

Me: “Of course they sell milk, but you can’t have any.”

Tweak: “But you could toss me the milk ring.”

She tips the frog over. It crackles and dies. Again.

Me: “What am I supposed to do with this frog?”

Tweak: “Kiss it. Maybe it will turn into a good idea.”

 

30 June 2014, “Tolerating Tweak”

 

Tolerating Tweak – “Frog Cracklin’s”

Illustrations by Susie Winnie Morrison