My cat Tweak’s first post. She is very excited. I know this because she wrenched her claws out of my arm long enough for me to type this.

What follows are small conversations with my cat Tweak. Like all oracles of wisdom, Tweak is both beautiful and brain-damaged.

Cat Gasket

Me: “You have to move.”
Tweak: “No.”
Me: “I have to get up.”
Tweak: “Do you see how busy I am sitting here?”
Me: “You’ve sealed me in like a cat gasket.”
Tweak: “I could hold this meatloaf pose for hours.”
Me: “I need coffee.”
Tweak: “Hours.”

I un-twist out of the bed coffin, snagging a toe in the cold half of the blanket. I squint against the burn and try not to bark. “Dammit, Tweak. That’s gonna leave a mark.”

Tweak yawns: “Okay, I’ll come with you. I hope the cream is fresh this time.”

Also, this first episode comes complete with visual aids, drawn by Susie Winnie Morrison.

“Cat Gasket” — 2014 June 13